While we can’t manage anyone else’s stress, only our own, there is a lot we can do to make sure we don’t “contaminate” our workplaces by spreading stress. I think that stress is more contagious than a virus. I refer to some people in workplaces as Henny Penny in the old fable, sighing heavily and mumbling the work equivalent of, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!”
So here are some things that YOU can do to manage stress in your workplace (and maybe even in your household!):
Show more gratitude. Colleagues feel so much better when their work is noticed and appreciated. Remember to thank the colleagues you meet, to begin and end emails with appreciation, and to demonstrate thanks. Make sure your body language matches your appreciation, which is a sign that you can be trusted. What more can you do to show gratitude?
The more specific, the more terrific. Work on telling a peer, “I really think you captured the essence of our message here.” Or, “When you cut off the dominating voice in the meeting, and asked to hear from others, you had full control of the room and you gained respect. Well done.” The reason we all like specific gratitude is because it tells the recipient, “I am truly paying attention to the great work you are doing.” And no one can feel stress at the same time they are feeling appreciated.
You encourage others to show appreciation when you are a role model of specific gratitude.
Model reframing. Remind colleagues to seek out things to be grateful for, such as their job, its benefits, its environment, coworkers, etc., and to focus on what is right, not just what needs attention.
Be aware that this attitude will sometimes be met with eye rolls and sighs. No one likes to hear these things, but we know from research that no one can feel stress at the exact same time as appreciation, and those who feel less stress are terrific at reframing situations.
Add phrases such as these to your lexicon to model reframing challenges into a more positive light:
“I understand that person is challenging. When I work with her, it helps me to think that she is bringing up the issues others are thinking, but just too polite to mention.”
“This is a good problem to have.”
“All we can do is one thing at a time.”
“What can realistically be done with our existing resources, since they aren’t likely to change?”
“How can you pace yourself?”
“It’s a marathon, not a sprint.”
“All I ask is for you to do what you can do with the time you have.”
Notice that some of your peers may wear stress as a badge of honor. “I have so much to do. I worked all weekend.” If the work can wait, maybe it should.
Don’t respond to emails at night or on weekends. When a workmate receives an email at night or on a weekend, their thoughts shift back to work. He or she may have been emptying the trash (mindless activities allow our brains to rest), or watching a great game on TV (distracting activities allow us to disengage), or having a quiet moment with a loved one (connecting with a loved one is the best stress antidote on the planet).
If you want to write emails at night or on weekends, that’s fine, but consider holding off sending them until work hours. Most email programs have a delay feature that is easy to use.
When you receive a work email at night or on the weekend, evaluate whether the message could have waited. If it could have waited, definitely don’t respond until work hours. If this is a trend from a few employees, encourage them to respect others’ down time.
If you are a leader in your organization, role model going home on time and taking vacations. Your employees are watching you. If you don’t take vacations, they won’t. And, in the long run, resentment will lead to a loss of productivity.
Laugh. Encourage laughter. Work is a social situation. Small talk a bit. Laugh a lot. When someone cracks a joke, be the first to laugh, and on occasion say, “Thanks for setting the tone,” or “Thanks for reminding us all to laugh.”
And most of all, manage your own stress. Practices such as meditation, prayer, yoga, Tai Chi, exercise, and healthy eating can all help alleviate stress in the office and at home.
Please share with me, how do you manage stress?
In my work with leaders and managers, I am often asked “What can I do to lessen the stress here?” It is a heartfelt question from leaders who want to improve the culture of their workplaces. Above all, remember that stress is an inside job. In many cases, what’s going on all around us is beyond our control.
People who manage stress well have learned coping strategies within themselves. This is important because most people blame outside factors such as deadlines, traffic, family responsibilities, and work demands for their stress, when stress actually occurs in one’s own head!
My mentor told me years ago that it would be easy to manage stress if he were a Buddhist Monk, meditating and praying all day while living in a monastery. The challenge is waking up at 5:00 a.m. to emails requiring immediate attention, followed by a tumultuous commute, then attending one meeting after another resulting in one deadline after another, topped off by working with people who do not always carry a full load or who do not have the same work styles or abilities, and finally coming home to bills and family demands….you get the picture. It is hard to manage stress with the lives we all live, but it isn’t going to diminish.
Start by remembering that stress is an “inside job” and you will be headed in the right direction, since you cannot generally control the outer world experience. Next week, I will share ideas on how to set a tone of productive calm to ensure that you aren’t increasing your colleagues’ stress levels.
What are your coping strategies?
I had an appointment with a manager today.
She had a cell phone.
She had a desk phone with caller ID and three lines She wore a beeper.
She carried a Blackberry.
During our 90 minutes together, each time a device rang or beeped, she responded. Although she responded to each of the 12 summonses in less than a minute, I left our meeting feeling jangled.
The next person I met with closed his office door as he came to greet me. He turned off the ringer on his phone, then looked up, and made eye contact. We covered our agenda. He took notes. We were not interrupted.
After 45 productive, business-focused minutes (and 10 minutes of chatting), I left feeling informed and connected.
Is it always responsible to be responsive?
Are you ever wired instead of connected?