For the past few weeks, I’ve been writing about mistakes including how we make them, how we respond, and more recently, how not everything that feels off track is actually a mistake.

This week, I want to come back to something very practical. What happens in the moment when you do get something wrong. While mistakes are inevitable, how we handle them is how we can make things worse or better.

Oftentimes when we admit to a mistake, we overexplain. We talk too much and give too many details. We are still processing the mistake in our own heads, but we immediately want to be understood, and our colleagues to know we’re competent.

So instead of saying: “I missed that deadline.” We say something like “I missed the deadline, but I had three competing priorities, and I thought I had more time, and I was waiting on input, and…”

Or for an interpersonal mistake we might say, “I know I yelled at her, but she is so difficult to work with and belligerent sometimes.”

Before long, the message gets lost because we are no longer apologizing, we are defending our own actions.

There’s a difference between context and justification. Context can be helpful to those who are impacted whereas justification may feel like an excuse.

In those moments, our colleagues aren’t listening for all the details, they are listening for whether or not you own your actions. Clear ownership sounds simple, but it can feel uncomfortable. Here are some simple statements:

“I gave you the wrong information.”

“I lost my temper.”

“I wasn’t paying attention.”

Pause and then,

“Here’s what I’m doing to address it.”

“Here’s what I’ll do differently next time.”

And then stop because, that’s it. There’s no long lead-in or defensiveness or attempt to soften the mistake. When you own your mistakes, your colleagues will trust you more. They will see that you are self-aware, accountable, and willing to do better the next time.

When you overexplain, even with good intentions, it creates doubt. Your colleagues may see it as deflecting, and they are predicting it will happen again.

Saying less and owning more will be what builds trust.