I met with a manager yesterday and she relentlessly told me all the things her department “should” be doing. Frustration and anger were oozing out of her. I had to wonder how all these “shoulds” were manifesting themselves when she spoke to her employees:

You should get here on time.
You should have proofread more carefully.
You should have done more research.

And “should” turned inward is also a big problem:

I should eat less sugar.
I should clean the office.
I should save more money.

Some ways we can change our self-talk which will in turn change how we speak to others are:

I eat healthy foods most of the time.
I organize my office a little bit every day.
I cut out the afternoon Starbucks to save money.

Talking in positive, concrete actions is helpful self-talk. And once we are kind to ourselves, we can be kind to others. For example:

Would a change in your morning routine be helpful?
Would an additional proofreader make sense?
Have you considered doing more research?

Your self-talk is ALWAYS on and ALWAYS with you. I hope yours is an encouraging voice, “You got this.” “Way to go.” “I’m on fire!”

Tell yourself kind and supportive things. Over and over again. If you aren’t nice to you, how do you think you come across to others?