I am a member of a wonderful business book club and each quarter we read a new business book. We discuss not only the book, but what specific material in the book would be helpful to our clients. Many times after reading a book, I offer to conduct a book club at my clients’ places of business. In these corporate book clubs, I construct the program so that the participants don’t even need to read the book to glean the highlights!
Imagine my surprise when I received the email declaring that our next book would be Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection by Jia Jiang. I wasn’t sure how the book would play out with my corporate clients, but I ordered it anyway.
The book arrived and sat, as many of my books do. Then my son Jeffrey and I visited my colleague Karen Jacobsen and the very book was sitting on her coffee table! Karen and Jeffrey started raving about it, as they had both read it! When we left Karen’s NYC apartment, Jeffrey continued discussing the book and said to me, “You should read it, Mom.” Now I knew I needed to shake the dust off and start reading.
The book is about Jia Jiang and his intention of making requests to people who were likely to reject the invitation. He did this daily for 100 days to build his resilience muscle. In the book, he also explains the neuroscience behind why we initially feel rejection and how with practice, we can build our own resilience muscles.
Not surprisingly, fear and rejection are first cousins in our brain chemistry. Once we learn to overcome rejection, our capacity for fear – healthy fear – increases.
It is typical in organizations to avoid failure, especially costly failure. But avoiding failure intentionally creates a culture that is risk-averse and stagnant. What does your organization do to encourage failure? What do you do personally to take more risks and to allow failure?
A few years ago, I had the privilege of being a panelist at the DC chapter of the National Speakers Association. After all the panelists had a chance to share their tricks and expertise, the audience was encouraged to ask questions.
As it turns out, there was a guest from NYC attending the meeting. The poised and delightful woman, Ellen, had just moved from the Big Apple to accept a full time job within a company where she had previously consulted. Ellen asked the panel, “What tips do you have for helping me stay active as a self-employed speaker and consultant, as I start my new full-time, professional job?”
A bit of probing revealed that Ellen’s new job involved leading a new and important division of the company. She would have seven direct reports, a multi-million dollar budget and plenty of naysayers watching her every move.
As I heard Ellen’s question, I thought, “That sounds a bit like, ‘How can I build a cathedral while I am exploring space?’”
Another member of the audience piped up, “Sounds like it’s important for you to be where you are.”
How about you? Are you chasing a rainbow that you already hold in your hands?
9/11 was scary. There was a time when people would ask, “Where were you on 9/11?” and they would share their stories of fear, horror, and how that fateful day changed them forever.
Often the people who are best at helping with fears are people who work with children. Mister Rogers said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'”
I owned Concordia Consulting on 9/11, and I was working from home that day. In the morning, I went for a regularly scheduled chiropractic appointment, and when I asked my chiropractor, Dr. Tedesco, why she was still holding appointments, she said rather unremarkably, “We don’t know what is happening, or what is going to happen. I help people feel better, and when life is spinning out of control, I think normalcy, even the pretense of normalcy is helpful.” Her calm and gentle words stayed with me.
On April 16, 2007, I was conducting a program on the day of the Virginia Tech massacre. The group had taken a break for lunch and when we checked our phones, we heard the terrifying news. I grew up seven miles from Virginia Tech and many of my friends and relatives worked on the campus. I was shaken to say the least.
I remembered what Dr. Tedesco said and I gathered myself and came back for the remainder of the program. I offered that the participants might want to share a few moments of communal silence, which we did. We agreed that those who needed to leave to check on loved ones should leave, yet most of the participants stayed. We finished the program.
I hope we will all be safe and our loved ones, our friends, and our colleagues will be well and safe. I hope you will never need to remember these words, but just in case.
We don’t know where we will be if and when tragedy strikes, but if you find yourself at work, there are ways that you can be helpful and bring calm to your colleagues.
We can’t control tragedies. What can we do if a tragedy occurs while we are at work?
First, get everyone to safety.
Bringing people together at times of fear and upheaval is always a good idea.
Returning to routine helps people feel grounded and safe.
Allowing each person to grieve and feel fear in their own way is important.
May you always be a helper.